and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
