i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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