How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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