I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
