I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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