You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
