So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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