my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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