i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
