You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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