lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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