Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
