Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
