Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
