Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I FOUND THE LEGS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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