New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
