At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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