My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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