I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
