Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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