Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
