Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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