Pappa wants mamma naked
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
