I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
