Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
