Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
