I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
