Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
