Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
