No stitches, just platelets and will power
honey bunches of taint.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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