Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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