that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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