Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
