great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
