she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
