Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
