What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
