hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
