Can Purell be used as lube?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
