yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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