shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
