New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
