Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
