i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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