He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
