Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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