I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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