All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
