No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
