need another drink. this is the easiest way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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