OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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